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I was out for my daily walk today. When I go out for my walks I never listen to anything other than what’s around me. I listen to the birds and to be fully aware of my surroundings. 

This morning while out I kept thinking I heard someone walking behind me. It’s winter here now and I could hear the snow, sand and salt being crushed beneath my feet as I walked on the streets. I also use walking poles to help with my posture and they make noise as well. I did not turn around as I didn’t want to disrupt my flow or fall and or twist my body. Also for some reason I find it difficult to make conversation with someone who’s walking behind you and if you don’t know them and maybe you don’t want to know either. 

But also there’s this fear element and it did go through my mind.  I could feel myself pick up my pace a bit. Not that I was in any danger, it was a residential street and I’m in a small town and it was day light.  But my heart beat was just a little stronger which could of been from my new quickened pace. And then I calmed down and thought to myself and smiled. This is how I feel about my past. 

You’re moving along in a new direction and feel confident, standing tall. Then out of no where you hear something, it distracts you and you end up putting all your focus onto the noise. The noise of your past. Sometimes I do what I did today…pick up my pace and keep moving ahead. 

Yes, I have tried to out run my past Then there are times when I stop and face it. I tell it to leave me alone. Yelling only gets me more upset but yes I’ve done that too. There are times I’l have an actually conversation with it and try to see what it’s doing. What does it really want from me. Ignoring is another one but that’s for a very limited amount of time as it gets louder. 

It’s sole purpose is to keep us alive and you’re reading this then it’s done a great job.

Accept it and thank it for doing such a great job. 

Remember its only function is to keeps you alive, it means no harm. And it only goes on facts. It is the record keeper of everything imagined or not. Real or fake, it keeps it all; just to keep you safe. 

In order to grow you have to  provide new facts for your past. Keep moving and do what you’re heart desires., listen closely to those whispers for those are your creator speaking you. 

Anyways this morning, I kept walking and eventually turned to verify a person was behind me but waited until I had to cross the street. And there was someone else and they were just walking home. as that is what we all are doing. But I so appreciated them walking home that way so I could have the material to write this piece. 

When you are broken and are frozen
in fear among the cracks of your life.
It is in those cracks where faith resides,
in the cracks where you can see the light,
and where you can finally breathe.
In faith, light fills and repairs the cracks,
a rainbow appears in the tears of hope
with the love that’s in your heart.
You are never alone.
I too live in the cracks with the light,
in the Love with God.
You are never alone.

It’s through the brokenness that we live, we cannot stay preserved behind glass and live life. We must live among the cracks, let in some air, let in  the light. Why even focus on the brokenness? Instead put your focus on the space that is open now. The space where the light is, what if there’s nothing to put back together? No one is perfect, we are all broken and this is a good thing. Beware of the one who tells you to put yourself back together. I am telling you that with the grace of the divine, faith that we are all cracked, flawed so perfectly that we are all ‘normal’ there’s nothing wrong with you, with anyone. Be weary of  the one who tells you the opposite, they are denying their own flaws, their own cracks among their life and are trying to pass their fears onto you. You are loved just as you are.

Why do we focus on what’s being broken? Why do we fear breaking?
What if we are to focus on the space in between?
Love, life exists in the space among the light.
What if we are meant to live our life breaking things?
That is where the real beauty lives, that is where living a full life is all about.
If you could love the space in between the brokenness, and not be afraid of it.To not have to hide, to not have to wait for all the pieces to be healed but instead relishing in the glory of the light. This removes the fear of breaking things…this is what living out loud is all about.

Isn’t it time? Are you ready? I am.

When you do a renovation you must break things.

To give someone the gift of leaving.. wow what a concept.

I have been writing this morning about those who left me.

Those in my life whom I never wanted to go and yet they left me. The great pain they caused and how different my life would have been if they stayed. All this time I have viewed it as something negative and extremely hurtful to me. For many of them I had no control (which I never do but sometimes I think do) on them staying and not for the lack of me trying.

I have always had this fear of being alone and thought it was a form of punishment that they left me but today I view it as the best gift ever.

For me I believe they all love me in a way I could not understand until now. They left me in the only way I could understand at the time. More than likely in pain and anger because that is where I was at the time. But they all knew something that I didn’t, they knew I would been all this space and so called alone time to actually figure this out (kind of).

I need all this space because of the span of my wings. They believed in me when I didn’t.

I am actually moved to tears in this moment writing this because I can truly see this as the best gift ever. 

They also believed that I was strong enough to be alone and that I would recover. They new my strength when I was only doubting it but they help me prove that I could handle it.

They somehow knew that they would weigh me down.. they all knew this. They knew I needed to fly.

Up to this very moment I had thought they all hurt me and although at the time it did cause me some pain. (OK maybe a LOT) but I did survive and went onto thrive even just a little.

Look where I am. (currently 2017 living in Ottawa in the south end in my today dream house)

I have no distractions and unlimited space and the means to create anything I desire. I am supported by the world and beyond.

Those who are “different” are only expanding the Universe which is always happening but it is those who seem to be different than the rest who are examples of what is possible. We are the manifested dreams from those who came before us. 

We are left alone to expand our wings and to fly above and soar into the unknown. The people who leave us do so out of love as they know deep down that we are more and that more space is required. You see we don’t fit into this world they are living in. We sense it early on and in most cases it causes a riff in the small society we are a part of. We are different right off the bat, early in our life. Our loved ones really don’t know what to do with us, although they do their best.

I feel so blessed to be able to understand this today. I feel so honoured to be chosen to left alone for so alone. It has allowed me to connect to even more than I ever could of imagined.

Are we meant to be alone came to my thoughts? Can this be true? Could it be that what I am experiencing is what many are searching for? I have had the thought that anyone who is alone completely alone like a monk or nun who has no contact with the outside world and or who are silent are not really serving. I actually think it’s selfish to do this or that is what I had thought.

We are all beacons of light who are serving something beyond ourselves because we are only a piece of it all.

Actually I still think that..because doing the service alone only serves who? Yourself. Unless it actually allows you to discover your purpose of the being you are. So difficult to explain.

It has taken me all this time and for the rest of my life to be the example. To go beyond the expectations of this life…to spread my wings…. to soar and expand the Universe.

I have always written and it has been challenging at times but it has been my path to see this is who I am and so much more. It has allowed to me to find the Universe inside of me..that I am the Universe. That we all are. Each one of us is our own universe and each one of us is connected beyond that.

Words and being able to express them is just one small reason why I am here.

I thought it had to be something bigger like they wanted me to be but I would not stand out .. I would have just blended in and not been seen at all. Samething would of happened if those who left me would have stayed..I would of just blended in.

I love people who leave me now. Wow.

Once I got what other people are doing out of my head I could actually find my own way.

Here we go.

I have read a story/post about a group wanting prayers from a community for a woman who just found out that her husband has been cheating on her and that he didn’t love her anymore. Okay, granted it sucks… really bad. I’ve been there myself. Let’s be real, it’s hurts like hell.

Yes it happens, it happens more than we think. Most of us are too scared to really share it to to many for fear we look like failures. We only tell certain people, the ones who will give us what we need. For example if you’re seeking out sympathy, you would not go to a friend who is always strong and doesn’t need a man in her life to make it complete. That person would not fill that need. Instead you go to someone who will share your emotions and feed you the sympathy you’re seeking. Because really when you’re feeling down do you really want to be told to suck it up? Read more

She never really wanted me, she was a teen when she found out she was pregnant with me. So like any teenager, you’re scared, you feel like you’re alone, and that all your dreams are over. You finally have someone/something to blame for things not going your way.

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