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To give someone the gift of leaving.. wow what a concept.

I have been writing this morning about those who left me.

Those in my life whom I never wanted to go and yet they left me. The great pain they caused and how different my life would have been if they stayed. All this time I have viewed it as something negative and extremely hurtful to me. For many of them I had no control (which I never do but sometimes I think do) on them staying and not for the lack of me trying.

I have always had this fear of being alone and thought it was a form of punishment that they left me but today I view it as the best gift ever.

For me I believe they all love me in a way I could not understand until now. They left me in the only way I could understand at the time. More than likely in pain and anger because that is where I was at the time. But they all knew something that I didn’t, they knew I would been all this space and so called alone time to actually figure this out (kind of).

I need all this space because of the span of my wings. They believed in me when I didn’t.

I am actually moved to tears in this moment writing this because I can truly see this as the best gift ever. 

They also believed that I was strong enough to be alone and that I would recover. They new my strength when I was only doubting it but they help me prove that I could handle it.

They somehow knew that they would weigh me down.. they all knew this. They knew I needed to fly.

Up to this very moment I had thought they all hurt me and although at the time it did cause me some pain. (OK maybe a LOT) but I did survive and went onto thrive even just a little.

Look where I am. (currently 2017 living in Ottawa in the south end in my today dream house)

I have no distractions and unlimited space and the means to create anything I desire. I am supported by the world and beyond.

Those who are “different” are only expanding the Universe which is always happening but it is those who seem to be different than the rest who are examples of what is possible. We are the manifested dreams from those who came before us. 

We are left alone to expand our wings and to fly above and soar into the unknown. The people who leave us do so out of love as they know deep down that we are more and that more space is required. You see we don’t fit into this world they are living in. We sense it early on and in most cases it causes a riff in the small society we are a part of. We are different right off the bat, early in our life. Our loved ones really don’t know what to do with us, although they do their best.

I feel so blessed to be able to understand this today. I feel so honoured to be chosen to left alone for so alone. It has allowed me to connect to even more than I ever could of imagined.

Are we meant to be alone came to my thoughts? Can this be true? Could it be that what I am experiencing is what many are searching for? I have had the thought that anyone who is alone completely alone like a monk or nun who has no contact with the outside world and or who are silent are not really serving. I actually think it’s selfish to do this or that is what I had thought.

We are all beacons of light who are serving something beyond ourselves because we are only a piece of it all.

Actually I still think that..because doing the service alone only serves who? Yourself. Unless it actually allows you to discover your purpose of the being you are. So difficult to explain.

It has taken me all this time and for the rest of my life to be the example. To go beyond the expectations of this life…to spread my wings…. to soar and expand the Universe.

I have always written and it has been challenging at times but it has been my path to see this is who I am and so much more. It has allowed to me to find the Universe inside of me..that I am the Universe. That we all are. Each one of us is our own universe and each one of us is connected beyond that.

Words and being able to express them is just one small reason why I am here.

I thought it had to be something bigger like they wanted me to be but I would not stand out .. I would have just blended in and not been seen at all. Samething would of happened if those who left me would have stayed..I would of just blended in.

I love people who leave me now. Wow.

Once I got what other people are doing out of my head I could actually find my own way.

Here we go.

First of all what do you consider a bad thing?
We all have a different view on it however when it comes to someone taking the life of another we have a tendency to pay attention. Or at least we use to.

Let’s face it we now live in a society where it is normal to see someone die.
Just for a fun fact, count how many days in a row that you have not seen someone die or who are dead?

This shows up daily for most of us. It’s all over the news. It’s in the games we play. The movies we watch with such delight. In the books we read. We discuss it with others in great debates on how it happened and our opinion on why. Some conversations whether out loud to another or one that stays inside your head sometimes comes up with possible solutions. And within those conversations is it about taking another life?

Now within those places you view death is there someone being rewarded for doing so?
Within our school systems we teach our young all about our hero’s of our days gone by. We teach them how they killed many and of course there was a really good reason, chances are we had something to save and protect. It was us against them and the strongest seemed to survived and be rewarded for such behaviour. Does that knowledge ever leave us? In case you might forget we have holidays to celebrate and we have statues to remind us. Decades and decades later we are still celebrating this.

Big question here, don’t we all want to be remembered? Don’t we all want to have a legacy? How do we define killing someone? Isn’t a life a life? Before you attack me here listen for just a little bit longer. I can hear you say, yeah but someone people are mean and evil. Sure, OK but I am more curious about the why. We all have the same amount of good and bad within us. What makes one come out more than the other?

It wasn’t too long ago that we all rallied together in a time of tragedy and it didn’t have to be a major disaster to do so. It was when we actually knew who our neighbours were and we gathered together, working together for something greater than ourselves. We interacted more with each other. Yes, I know we interact with each other perhaps more these days but there is a huge difference on interacting with someone in person then online. There is an energy in person that cannot be hidden or intercepted. When we interact online in any fashion our energy is not being directed to the other person because there’s energy in the device we use. In person you can actually feel. And this has very little to do with people being fake online. We are all seeking attention and recognition for who we are. Who we portray ourselves to be is a whole other thing, There’s something to be said for being real and it’s pretty hard to hide when you’re in person.

Anyways the way we interact these days has a lot to do with the change in what happens in our communities. 
We have isolated ourselves and are attempting to interact through a device wanting a human connection. 

To try and make ourselves feel better we will turn outward towards anything else other than ourselves. We have a great deal of difficulty facing our own fears so instead we will turn to the ones that have been created for us. We will watch the news, we will play games, watch videos etc. And what is it that you’re actually watching? This is consumption, it’s no different on what you put into your body. Does it nourish you or make you ill?

I hate to the bearer of more bad news but the violence we are currently experiencing is only going to get worse if we don’t learn to be honest with ourselves, ask for help and learn to communication and reconnect to each other. As I always say, communication, connection, collaboration and communities are the most important features to a fulfilled life. Without it we resort to other avenues to reach any of these we feel are missing. I know this to be true because I’ve done it myself through every possible addiction there is. Which one are you missing out on?

We not only need to communicate to our neighbours but first we must be able to be honest with ourselves. Forgive yourself for not knowing any better then passing it on.
You do matter and the world needs you.