I have read a story/post about a group wanting prayers from a community for a woman who just found out that her husband has been cheating on her and that he didn’t love her anymore. Okay, granted it sucks… really bad. I’ve been there myself. Let’s be real, it’s hurts like hell.
Yes it happens, it happens more than we think. Most of us are too scared to really share it to to many for fear we look like failures. We only tell certain people, the ones who will give us what we need. For example if you’re seeking out sympathy, you would not go to a friend who is always strong and doesn’t need a man in her life to make it complete. That person would not fill that need. Instead you go to someone who will share your emotions and feed you the sympathy you’re seeking. Because really when you’re feeling down do you really want to be told to suck it up?
This group wished to be part of a big prayer for this woman. I figured it would be to give this woman strength and courage to face her days.
Nope. It was more about God giving it to this man, making him pay for the wrong he has done. Seriously, why are we still thinking that God is out to harm those who do us wrong? Are we not all labelled as being human and will be making mistakes. Is this not how most of us learn?
I would think that a God is created out of love or at least should be. Why would we ever think that there is a God that is punishing us? Why do we think we have to live in fear?
When a marriage breaks down there is usually signs on the way, long before someone is ready to leave. I know that may be hard to hear but honestly there is no right or wrong. You need to get to the place where you acknowledge the love you once had and the great time you had while you were together. No one is perfect we all make mistakes, let it go. If you really love the other person with their faults and all then let them go. Surely most of us have heard “if you love them set them free. If they come back then they are yours” Loving someone is unconditional and even though it may hurt us we still need to love them and let them learn their life lessons their way. Not how we think they should be learning them.
Now if both parties want to make it work then they should do just that but that is not up to anyone else to judge that.
How can we own another person? Why is it once you’re married you now belong to someone? When two people get married it is almost considered that they ‘own’ each other.
For myself I’ve been married now twice. The first I was so young and didn’t know who I was or what I really wanted. I wanted a fairy tale and I got it, however it included evil in. There were a lot of sad parts, there were no happy endings with this ‘prince charming’. You see I too found out that he was with another woman while we were to be working together on our marriage. I had set boundaries for my own life and adultery was one of them that I was not willing to forgive. I was in great pain but I chose to never go back after that and try it again. I just couldn’t. It went against everything I had believed in at the time.
Fast forward quite a few years, I found another man who wanted to marry me, actually I had found about 7 of them but one of them I followed through with and said I do once again. I chose to ignore the feeling I was having inside me. Instead I chose to play up the fairy tale and being married to my prince charming seemed more important once again. I ignored my own feelings, my own self, my own spirit. I know I’m not perfect; I don’t always have good days. I make mistakes all the time. I can learn lessons but it takes me a while. I told this person: what I can promise is that I will try my best every day. I know we’re not promised tomorrow and that the only moments is with this man and the only way I knew to do this was to be married to him. To me that seemed to be the only way I knew to show him that, and I also wanted to show the world that I could be married to this prince charming. Once we were married I felt more and more strongly about not wanting to be…….not to be married. Here I am I had just spent all this money and had made a big deal about it to so many people and now I was wishing it had never happened. Not because I didn’t love him enough it was because I love him.
Days before the wedding someone had asked me; are you ready to be with him for the next 45 years? I said ah no. I don’t think so. I was scared inside, that seemed like a big number and a heavy burden. I know I’m not perfect; I don’t always have good days. I make mistakes all the time. I can learn lessons but it takes me a while. I told this person: what I can promise is that I will try my best every day. I know we’re not promised tomorrow and that the only moments is the one we are using right here right now. That is all that exists. I can promise to my partner that I will try my best and I’ll be here for as long as joy is in between us. I love him enough to let him go if that’s what he wants. I will encourage him to be his best and to follow his dreams. That’s how much I love him. I do not have the right to think I ‘own’ him. I cannot tie him down. We felt so strongly about this that we decided not to wear our wedding rings. If we are together it is because the other person wants to be here. Not because I say I own you. This was a discussion between the two of us and he feels the same way. Life is all about free will. That is our living right. We are all able to make choices and to have free will.
Being with someone you love should not change that. I believe this goes for all relationships you have throughout your life. With your children, your parents, friends, peers, co-workers etc. You should respect, trust and love them enough to allow them to make their own decisions and encourage their own dreams. Even if it’s different than yours you can suggest but do it in a kind and loving way. But being supportive and letting them know that you’re not judging them and that you’ll be there for them if they need them. That way they’ll come back.
So back to the real issue I had started this blog was about this group trying to send this man to hell for hurting this woman because he didn’t love her anymore and had cheated with another woman. Only time will tell what is best for them both. We should be able to send love to them both and allow them to make their own decisions privately. We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, maybe him leaving and being honest enough with her saying he doesn’t love her anymore did her a favour. Maybe down the road she’ll find a man who adds more joy to her life and she’ll be happier than she’s ever been. Perhaps this is God’s plan all along. Or maybe this will open their communication to an honest place and she will now be able to ask for what she really needs from him. And he’ll do the same. There are so many possibilities that can happen. But this I think I know for sure….we don’t know what the future holds but we know who holds the future.
Let’s try to live in the moment and not worry about the past or try to manipulate the future. Just be.