Flawed? Why not.
This is where I will share my biggest mistake of the week. With the intention to show others that mistakes happen to all of us. We are flawed and learn as we go along. But also we can learn from or mistakes . We can own them.
Maybe it’s not following through with something you wished you had or maybe it was doing too much. Not making that call or making the call before you took the time to calm down. Maybe it was believing that telephone marketer and giving out information you wished you hadn’t. Maybe it was losing your wallet or your child (temporarily). Maybe for not eating well and on and on it goes.
You are never alone. We all make mistakes.
This version of the world that we are witnessing is not real. You’re just seeing where the camera points to. And that my dear may involve several out takes that will never see the light of day. Perfect lighting to highlight only the best. A team of magicians that create hypnotizing beauty from hair, make-up and edits beyond human recognition.
Allow your eyes to feast on a miracle instead. See the true beauty beyond the shadows, behind the barricades so perfectly placed to hide the past stories.
My dear look into a mirror and look into those eyes. Go beyond the tiredness you’ll first notice. Yes, they are tired- they are tired of hiding and viewing all the is fake shit. Look deeper into those eyes and stay there. Remain calm, take a deep breath..stay focused. That, there you’re feeling is the forgotten parts of you; who were too little. From a time when you didn’t know any better, it’s was when you didn’t have the words, the language you never knew. You couldn’t get away, you didn’t stop, when you were too afraid. The time you felt alone, you didn’t know.You just didn’t know. And that’s OK. Look into those eyes and see that person. Everything you’re going through, everything you’ve ever gone through is to get your attention to see that part of you.
Instead you keep looking at all those other people and you’re desperate for them to see you. However my dear, it’ll never be enough, they can’t because they don’t see themselves. We all have to see ourselves. It’s within those eyes that we must hear the whispers. “I love you and I see you.”You are now the grown up to that little child who wanted to be seen. Do you see me? Is the question falling in the tears.
In case you can’t right now…hear me say. I love you and I see you.

What really is money?
Money is just a tool and it magnifies who you really are.
I believe this to be true and it makes me completely understand why not many are actually happy with the amount they have. It completely makes sense that not many are rich. It’s as if we really know this to be true but complain about it as much as we can.

The more money you have the more you are exposed.
Not many of us really want to be too exposed. And this could also be the reason why even more complain and point out the flaws of those who do have money.

Do you really want more money? Are you ready to be exposed as much as you are wishing for? We are the ones who actually give it it’s power. Without use it is meaningless.
Think about it, what makes it grow are zero’s which are empty.

We only spend our money on how we see ourselves. Another way of putting this is what we “Pay” our attention onto. We are spending our attention like it doesn’t matter.
Take an inventory of your life. What would you like to change? Are you happy where you are? Do you spend your attention with intention or are you doing so in a fog?
Look at your life seriously, how much longer can you keep going on like this?
What’s your money really saying about you?

Good Morning Everyone.

Last night I did it. I am so excited to share with you that I actually followed through with a dream of mine. It’s a wonderful start to something magical. I actually got up in front of a crowd and read out loud some of my writings. It was incredible. I conquered a fear and came out the other side of it feeling better than I have in a very long time. I had pride for following through with a dream of mine. And it was well received. Just a small quaint group but nonetheless I did it.

Last night I was wanting to do more, I was addicted to it right then and there. I wanted more. I even mentioned once it was all over that I should hold one in my home considering they were not going to be holding another one until February or March. That seems like such a long way off.

Also just to show you how the world works in this mysterious way. A woman asked to sit next to me and I said of course. We both read our writings and when she finished I shared with her what a great job she did and that it was no mistake that she sat next to me. Out of all the people to have sitting next to me and all the tables she chose it was mine. Her writing and mine were similar by which it is of the spirit….We both believe in the spirit force that surrounds, that creates us, that holds us together rather than apart. We are all one. I was and I guess still am in shock. Amazing. I gave her my phone number and asked her to go for coffee or whatever sometime. Her story is also like mine in the fact that she is new to town as well and do not know too many people here either.

What glorious ways the energy works and in perfect timing. Love it.

I am definitely moving in the right directions of my dreams. It feels so right.

Yesterday I was trying to figure out a way to get of it as well. So glad that didn’t happen. However my ego and pain body really wanted to find any way possible to achieve this, to get out of what ‘they’ thought would be more pain. I read and re-read a few other books of mine trying to find one that seemed to make sense to me. However nothing I had wrote was making sense to me. My sentence structure and grammar were all of sudden notorious I had no faith left inside for me. All of the sudden I had nothing to present and I felt like a failure. I knew it wasn’t my true self, I knew I would have to push through it and be the true self. The one I’ve tried so long to be and this was the opportunity I’ve been waiting for so long. Understanding that everything happens when it needs to and so forth, now was the perfect time for this to happen. Eric came home and tried to get of it again sharing my despair with him. He was perfect and said I can do it, to just read and keep it flowing. He knew I could do or at least let on that I could or should. It was the first thing I’ve ever wanted to do just for me. Ever. Finally.

So here I am the day after, still with the glow on me. I am sitting at my desk writing this and wanting to share it with the world. I think I’m ready. I think the world is ready for me too.

I finally get the message to never give up on your dreams. To never give up on yourself.

To think back to all things that had to line up for this to have had happened the way it did is simply amazing.

I am now living in a community who cherishes their arts. I am among others who support one another. I am living with a person who loves me and believes in my dreams. I am in a town that has a beautiful library- to think I enjoy going to a library. I had never been to one until I was an adult. To get me into one and be happy there, then finding the posting for this writer’s cafe and then signing up for it right there on the spot. That’s incredible. Everything had to be lined up perfectly. Not my perfect but the divine energy’s perfect. Even for me to have the courage to do any of the above impresses me. I use to be the really quiet one who dream secretly and not share any of them.

Here are 10 steps to get you out of debt and on the right track towards your dreams

Step 1
write down the amount you made last year and subtract the what you have today in the bank account. Take a look at that number. You have to know the truth.

Step 2
Print off the last 3 months of your banking transactions.

Step 3
Write down all the income you’ve brought in and add them up.

Step 4
a) hi-light all the restaurants you spent money on.
b) hi-light in a different colour all the food you spent money on. * this is ONLY grocery money *
c) hi-light in a different colour necessities (ie: toilet paper, shampoo, tissues, feminine products)
d) hi-light in a different colour auto payments that come out every month
e) Add up each colour for each month and divide by 3 – this is your average.
Do you spend more than you make?

Step 5
Outstanding debt never makes anyone feel good.
a) Make a list of all the outstanding debt you have.
b) in one column write out the amount owing
c) second column write out the monthly payments
d) third column write down the interest rates

I know this may seem overwhelming but don’t give up. With everything in life those things that need change first need us to change and we need to adjust and that can be uncomfortable.
Life is not suppose to be comfortable.
First thing is to really look at this and see exactly what it is you’re dealing with. And know this, once you look at it, you don’t ever have to be there again. Everything you do is a choice and how you spend you money is just another choice.

Step 6
This is the Plan
Add up all of your outstanding debt. You want to be sure you’re making all your minimum payments and then the extra money you’re working for will go towards the amount that is the smallest.
Then once you have this one paid off, celebrate without spending money. Then the money you are putting towards it will then be going to the next outstanding debt. This is called snowballing your debt.

Contact the companies and tell them your plan and when you will be making your payments. You want to be working with them. You may negotiate for a lower amount depending on how much you owe and for how long it’s been. Sometimes this works but not always. They may want a lump sum so be prepared.
Call all the auto payments including your credit card and see about lowering your interest rate.

Step 7
Cut the FAT (Frivolous Actions Taken) This is where we need to trim up. Cancel anything you do not really need. Television, cell phones, cars etc. Anything that you do not really need. Get rid of it.

Step 8
Find More Money
This is where you are going find more money. Now if you’ve cut as much as possible and you’re still short then you have to increase your income.
Can you pick up extra shifts at work? Can you do a part time job on the side? Is there papers that need to be delivered in your area.
Here’s where the money is:
Take 15 minutes to do this.
Make a list of all the things you’re good at.
All the things you love to do.
Anything you have talent in.
I mean Everything. This includes walking, if you can.
Look at that list, give yourself a pat on the back. There’s more than you thought.

Step 9
Let’s find even more money.
Here’s some ideas:
Sell what you do not need or use. Clothing, electronics, furniture. You can sell online or in person.
Have a yard sale and sell the belongings you have that you don’t use.
Downsize your home into something that fits your current income.
Get rid of the big car, you can find one without payments. Sell it.
When shopping check out your local thrift store only if there’s something you need.
When grocery shopping try to do so in bulk. Price match and use coupons when available.

Step 10
You have a clear vision about what’s real when it comes to your money.
Now I am going to add one more here.
You also need an Emergency Fund!
I am serious. I’m sure your eyes just got really big and doubt crept back in. But hear me out. This is your own personal cushion and the just in case. This comes before you pay off your debts. You make your regular minimum payments but you put the extra you make into an Emergency Fund. At least until it gets to $1000.00. After you pay off your debt then your Emergency Fund should be 6 months worth of your expenses. Now that number’s a lot bigger.
This is ONLY for EMERGENCIES . Think about it, if your car needs repair and you need your car to get to work, what do you do?
You need to have the Fund and get it quickly.
You know the amounts, everything is written down and all payments are visible and set up to paid on time and for the correct amounts. You have additional sources of revenue coming and you have let go of things that were holding you back.








This month we are talking all things money. Where does it really go and how in the hell do we get more of? What is a budget and how to put things together. Also we’ll talk about the tough stuff. How do get out of debt and is filing for bankruptcy the only option. What happens after you do file.

It’s a new year and what better time than now to get your life back in order. Or is this really going to be the first time you will finally tell your money what to do instead of it just disappearing.
Too often we don’t know what our money is doing or where it goes. We just hold our breath until the next paycheck. But with employments options these days there’s nothing really secure even about that. Our jobs are not as secure as they use to be and things move pretty fast.

I have had plenty of money, saving, an emergency fund, investments and debt free but I have also been down and out where I was on government assistance and living off of hope and fear. Not able to purchase any gifts for Christmas. I’ve had to return items back to the bank because I wasn’t able to make my payments.

As with most things in life that seem to be embarrassing, we hide. We think we are the only one who is going through it. We think our problems will last forever, and then when we do get something good coming our way we feel fear that it may not last. It’s true nothing lasts forever but we can look in the right direction, we can set ourselves to succeed. We can set ourselves up to thrive and when we do fall down, learn from it and not allow it to destroy you. You don’t have to start all over, but you do have to start right from where you are.

Don’t be hard on yourself, together we can help one another. You are never alone. Money is important but there are more important things in life too.

I was out for my daily walk today. When I go out for my walks I never listen to anything other than what’s around me. I listen to the birds and to be fully aware of my surroundings. 

This morning while out I kept thinking I heard someone walking behind me. It’s winter here now and I could hear the snow, sand and salt being crushed beneath my feet as I walked on the streets. I also use walking poles to help with my posture and they make noise as well. I did not turn around as I didn’t want to disrupt my flow or fall and or twist my body. Also for some reason I find it difficult to make conversation with someone who’s walking behind you and if you don’t know them and maybe you don’t want to know either. 

But also there’s this fear element and it did go through my mind.  I could feel myself pick up my pace a bit. Not that I was in any danger, it was a residential street and I’m in a small town and it was day light.  But my heart beat was just a little stronger which could of been from my new quickened pace. And then I calmed down and thought to myself and smiled. This is how I feel about my past. 

You’re moving along in a new direction and feel confident, standing tall. Then out of no where you hear something, it distracts you and you end up putting all your focus onto the noise. The noise of your past. Sometimes I do what I did today…pick up my pace and keep moving ahead. 

Yes, I have tried to out run my past Then there are times when I stop and face it. I tell it to leave me alone. Yelling only gets me more upset but yes I’ve done that too. There are times I’l have an actually conversation with it and try to see what it’s doing. What does it really want from me. Ignoring is another one but that’s for a very limited amount of time as it gets louder. 

It’s sole purpose is to keep us alive and you’re reading this then it’s done a great job.

Accept it and thank it for doing such a great job. 

Remember its only function is to keeps you alive, it means no harm. And it only goes on facts. It is the record keeper of everything imagined or not. Real or fake, it keeps it all; just to keep you safe. 

In order to grow you have to  provide new facts for your past. Keep moving and do what you’re heart desires., listen closely to those whispers for those are your creator speaking you. 

Anyways this morning, I kept walking and eventually turned to verify a person was behind me but waited until I had to cross the street. And there was someone else and they were just walking home. as that is what we all are doing. But I so appreciated them walking home that way so I could have the material to write this piece. 

I enjoy meeting lots of people and learning something new. it’s not my perfect way of spending my day, but it’ll come. As long as I keep my eye on the prize and stay prepared, when the opportunity comes I’ll be ready.

I really need to be more discipline when it comes to writing my book. I am a little overwhelmed when it comes to editing it. There seems to be a lot and I don’t want to make a mistake. I know that is all in my head but it’s one of my fears I am trying to face. I really need to face it head on. Lord help me.

I want to share my stories with so many other people. I understand others and can help them get through the tough challenges they are facing. You are never alone.

So how come when it comes to trying to help someone else go through their struggles I can be all there is to be. But when it comes to helping myself I feel like I am alone??? Seriously.

Last night I broke down a barrier a bit with my man and I shared how I was feeling and what I really wanted from him. But considering I had to ask  for it meant I didn’t want it right then. Because I had to ask and tell him what to do. I want to be with someone who knows what to do. How to give themselves to me. I know that really sounds selfish and it is. but why shouldn’t I be with someone who is selfless. There is taking care of yourself and then there is only taking care of yourself.

I am trying to find the balance for myself, because most of my life I’ve only been giving myself away to others and now it’s time to give back to myself. To fill my own cup.

When I’m down, who do I have to turn to for support? Do we ever really need anyone? I think so. I believe we need to reach out to others for that outside support. We are after all humans who require other human contact. In what form? I’m not too sure.

So we surround ourselves with those who are capable or not to fill this requirement. I’ve managed to eliminate everyone around me. I have managed to surround myself with no one. Nothing has really changed over the years. Before I was around others but they did not have my best interest at heart and didn’t know what I needed therefore we unable to give me anything. other than heartache. Now I’ve removed myself from these people and have only one person; my man and he’s unable to do it either. Am I asking too much for someone to love me? Am I really sending out all these mixed signals to him? Or is it that he’s not capable of giving me what I really want. I have explained it in great detail and he says he believes me and totally understands but when he needs something it’s as if he totally forgets everything that has ever been discussed up to that point. i am the nagging wife…..something I never ever wanted to be a part of. I never wanted to be. How did I get here? Why do I have to be the one who constantly reminds him of what I said yesterday, last week, last month, last year……. why?

I am really talking myself out of this fantasy I’ve created so delicately. How can this happen to me again? Or is it just my mind  playing tricks on me?  How do you know when you’re with that ‘perfect’ someone? Can you ever know for sure? I think it all comes down to feelings. The passion you have for this person, the way they make you feel. It has to be like that. Now I don’t believe you have this feeling all time, or do you? I am really struggling with this. I have so much to give. Maybe that’s it too, when you want to keep on giving even when it gets rough and you really are struggling but you still want to give. Is that the answer? How long do you keep this up however if it’s never being returned? 

I am not my past, I am not the little girl who cannot speak her mind, I am not that little girl who is scared to make someone upset by just being me.I am a grown woman, the woman I always wanted to be, the one I would dream about wishing I could be with a snap of my fingers. Well my wish is here.

If I were to go back to that place and be around those people who aren’t there for me now nor were they there for me before. It would slowly kill me again..  I am here in a much better place and I love me. I have never really said that before and meant it. But it feels good and I believe it.

I can honestly say right now that I am letting go of what there was in my past and I am opening myself up to the possibilities I have right here right now. I know I am able of great things. I’ve always known it but now I can actually see it coming true.

Remembering gratitude when you feel bad. 

In my heart of hearts I believe my son knows this as well. I know he desperately wants something better for himself, but he has to prove it to himself in his own way. I tried to protect him so much but making stronger and to believe in himself. We had to. I didn’t know any better. Today I do and I am working on me.

I have a loving man in my life, who didn’t go through the pain that I had went through, thankfully because really i wouldn’t wish that onto anyone. He supports me in the best way he can and he’s really good at it. I am blessed.

I have a healthy happy son who is learning to be really independent, just like I had taught him. Although I really wanted to be a bigger part of his life, I have to learn to trust what I taught him is serving him well. We are both learning more about ourselves these days. That’s why we are like this.

I have also 2 smaller children that are a big part of my life, what a blessing to be able to pass on the lesson’s I’ve learned so far. My husbands family shows love the way I had thought I had wanted, but nothing is perfect, so I am accepting what I am given as far as love goes. Blessings.

I know I’ve been living in my past fears on this pity train. I wanted people to love me for everything I’ve been through. I wanted others to be proud of the things I’ve overcome and being able to smile in the light of day. it’s been a struggle yes that’s for sure. But for those of us who truely overcome difficult times are those who do not dwell on it and sit in the soiled mess that was created when you didn’t know any better. When you were a baby you sat in your soiled diapers, not knowing that’s what you were doing, soon though you discovered it was uncomfortable and not enjoyable at all. You learned to get out of it and move on. You didn’t sit in it nor did you go on and on about how you use to sit in it and want others around you to feel sorry for you and say what a great joy you did.. You just did it.  I know not the best description for this but it really drives home the point. I am done with sitting in a mess and wanting others to experience the pain of being in such a mess. I am ready to put on my girl panties and be me the best I am.

Wow what a difference a few hours make, I am feeling tears trying to come up, not tears of pain, or sorrow but tears of joy. when the lows are low for me the high gets a little higher. I love it. Thank you. I can smile with gratitude in my heart and joy lurking around the corner. yippee. 

I am not my used diaper anymore. …yeah I ‘ll have to work on that one. It just doesn’t sound quite right.

When you think about it I’m really not that little girl anymore and I am really happy to have finally discover this. thank you.

Have you ever not been picked for a team or have you ever not had your idea heard?
Remember how that feels…That is how all the inspiring ideas you have feel.
They are a part of you and this bully inside your head gets its way all the time or so it seems.

Your hopes and dreams are there for a reason, they are part of your inner being. They live at your core and how do we treat them?When was the last time you actually listened to them? If ever?


I have heard mine for years but the bully always seems to get its way and shuts them down.
I like to think of myself as a kind compassionate person who loves to give everyone a break but I have yet to actually act on it myself.

I think it maybe time to let my dreams take the lead. It sure feels better when I do, my body dances with joy being allowed to just play. Creating is the normal, thinking outside the box. There’s no more talking, it’s all just singing, music fills my ears and love comforts me.

Yeah, again why haven’t I allowed them to come out and be heard? The opposite is no fun and it can actually be quite painful.How can we be addicted to the pain? Is that the way we believe we are actually alive?What bullshit that is. That is the way we have been controlled.. remember comply and protect.Enough already. I think I am wanting to hear what my dreams really have to say.

Are you listening to yours?

Good Morning Everyone.

Here I am here at the kitchen with my lap top  and a coffee and my man here with me. Things seem to be a little better, I think we are both present and aware. At least that is what I’m hoping for.

I am sore a fair bit from ……..well probably from being out of shape. I am working on changing this and that’s why I’m sore. I am walking more and more and working-which consists of me being on my feet for hours and then I’m doing yoga. Which all is good for me but it’s really different for me for now. It’ll get better the more I do it. I love how the body responds so easily.

I have to work later on today. I really do like working there. It’s such a good fit for me. I keep it moving.

Today just seems like one of those days when I can’t really pick a topic to talk about on here.

Outside it is foggy, very heavy… I can only see the houses across the street and no further. Not sure if it’s only here in town or everywhere just because we’re so close to the water. it’s a day where you put on soft music and light a few candles..maybe a little house keeping and stay warm. There’s a change in the weather coming. I can feel it. .All change is good, it’s not something to fear it’s something to embrace. And this I do. I love change. Even that that  I do not have control over I believe I do adapt fairly well with it. I love changing locations, this is why I move a lot. I like to have different experiences and meet new people. I am finally in a place where I feel like I could belong. There are so many others here who really enjoy life and see it for it can be and do it. I love that. Last night in fact we went over to a neighbours near us here and they rent out used ski equipment.. how brilliant. she’s been doing it for years and she enjoys it. We were able to outfit 4 people for under 150 dollars and it’s not really old stuff either.

I cannot seem to stay focused on anything right now. Arg.

Back again and this time I’m on the floor after finishing my meditation practise for today. Although I may do another one later on. 

The affirmation is I Expect and accept abundance to flow freely to me today. I really love it. this meditation was very powerful for me.. I could feel and see waves of light coming to me. I could feel my power. It is very powerful. I now that might sound strange to some but some of you might get it. I understand to be true that we all have great powers within us and life is all about trying to peel back all the baggage we’ve been carrying around thinking we need it for this thing called life when in fact we already have it. It’s just been buried so deep. You life is about pulling it back and see what is really. It’s all beautiful. even the stuff we think is ugly and no one would want. But that’s not true, you born this way and somewhere really soon there’s someone out there who really needs you to be just like. And chances are they’re closer than you think. The need to see you be the real you, being just who you were born to be. This will help them to peel back their layers that they are so scared and terrified of doing in order to be their true self. There’s a cycle of life and it’s more about being authentic to ourselves and exploring who we are,learning as much as possible about who we are. To me this sounds exciting to others probably fearful of removing the coat of excuses you’ve picked out oh so carefully and have been wearing ever since. I am shedding my coat of excuses and putting nothing  else on. I know I have been given free will and I plan on using it more and more for me.  I have really big dreams and I know they are on their way.. I am preparing for when they arrive. It’s not a matter of whether they do or not it’s just a matter of timing. Now I’m not sitting around waiting for them to happen either. This is why we need to prepare. it’s a blessing to not have it arrive when we think it should. You actually maybe being protected by having it not happen right now. Perhaps it’s because there’s a storm ahead and you’re meant to sit back and wait it out in safety. Or maybe it’s because there’s an even bigger dream coming your way that you’re meant to be doing. All this preparation is paying off in ten folds and beyond. You cannot even imagine what dreams you may be able to live out… Just be open to them when they arrive. Because it’s in your thoughts is simply because you’re suppose to have them and it’s on it’s way. Be ready. Learn to remove fear… 

wow, now that’s a good start to a blog for today. Namaste.