I am not my past, I am not the little girl who cannot speak her mind, I am not that little girl who is scared to make someone upset by just being me.I am a grown woman, the woman I always wanted to be, the one I would dream about wishing I could be with a snap of my fingers. Well my wish is here.
If I were to go back to that place and be around those people who aren’t there for me now nor were they there for me before. It would slowly kill me again.. I am here in a much better place and I love me. I have never really said that before and meant it. But it feels good and I believe it.
I can honestly say right now that I am letting go of what there was in my past and I am opening myself up to the possibilities I have right here right now. I know I am able of great things. I’ve always known it but now I can actually see it coming true.
Remembering gratitude when you feel bad.
In my heart of hearts I believe my son knows this as well. I know he desperately wants something better for himself, but he has to prove it to himself in his own way. I tried to protect him so much but making stronger and to believe in himself. We had to. I didn’t know any better. Today I do and I am working on me.
I have a loving man in my life, who didn’t go through the pain that I had went through, thankfully because really i wouldn’t wish that onto anyone. He supports me in the best way he can and he’s really good at it. I am blessed.
I have a healthy happy son who is learning to be really independent, just like I had taught him. Although I really wanted to be a bigger part of his life, I have to learn to trust what I taught him is serving him well. We are both learning more about ourselves these days. That’s why we are like this.
I have also 2 smaller children that are a big part of my life, what a blessing to be able to pass on the lesson’s I’ve learned so far. My husbands family shows love the way I had thought I had wanted, but nothing is perfect, so I am accepting what I am given as far as love goes. Blessings.
I know I’ve been living in my past fears on this pity train. I wanted people to love me for everything I’ve been through. I wanted others to be proud of the things I’ve overcome and being able to smile in the light of day. it’s been a struggle yes that’s for sure. But for those of us who truely overcome difficult times are those who do not dwell on it and sit in the soiled mess that was created when you didn’t know any better. When you were a baby you sat in your soiled diapers, not knowing that’s what you were doing, soon though you discovered it was uncomfortable and not enjoyable at all. You learned to get out of it and move on. You didn’t sit in it nor did you go on and on about how you use to sit in it and want others around you to feel sorry for you and say what a great joy you did.. You just did it. I know not the best description for this but it really drives home the point. I am done with sitting in a mess and wanting others to experience the pain of being in such a mess. I am ready to put on my girl panties and be me the best I am.
Wow what a difference a few hours make, I am feeling tears trying to come up, not tears of pain, or sorrow but tears of joy. when the lows are low for me the high gets a little higher. I love it. Thank you. I can smile with gratitude in my heart and joy lurking around the corner. yippee.
I am not my used diaper anymore. …yeah I ‘ll have to work on that one. It just doesn’t sound quite right.
When you think about it I’m really not that little girl anymore and I am really happy to have finally discover this. thank you.