To give someone the gift of leaving.. wow what a concept.
I have been writing this morning about those who left me.
Those in my life whom I never wanted to go and yet they left me. The great pain they caused and how different my life would have been if they stayed. All this time I have viewed it as something negative and extremely hurtful to me. For many of them I had no control (which I never do but sometimes I think do) on them staying and not for the lack of me trying.
I have always had this fear of being alone and thought it was a form of punishment that they left me but today I view it as the best gift ever.
For me I believe they all love me in a way I could not understand until now. They left me in the only way I could understand at the time. More than likely in pain and anger because that is where I was at the time. But they all knew something that I didn’t, they knew I would been all this space and so called alone time to actually figure this out (kind of).
I need all this space because of the span of my wings. They believed in me when I didn’t.
I am actually moved to tears in this moment writing this because I can truly see this as the best gift ever.
They also believed that I was strong enough to be alone and that I would recover. They new my strength when I was only doubting it but they help me prove that I could handle it.
They somehow knew that they would weigh me down.. they all knew this. They knew I needed to fly.
Up to this very moment I had thought they all hurt me and although at the time it did cause me some pain. (OK maybe a LOT) but I did survive and went onto thrive even just a little.
Look where I am. (currently 2017 living in Ottawa in the south end in my today dream house)
I have no distractions and unlimited space and the means to create anything I desire. I am supported by the world and beyond.
Those who are “different” are only expanding the Universe which is always happening but it is those who seem to be different than the rest who are examples of what is possible. We are the manifested dreams from those who came before us.
We are left alone to expand our wings and to fly above and soar into the unknown. The people who leave us do so out of love as they know deep down that we are more and that more space is required. You see we don’t fit into this world they are living in. We sense it early on and in most cases it causes a riff in the small society we are a part of. We are different right off the bat, early in our life. Our loved ones really don’t know what to do with us, although they do their best.
I feel so blessed to be able to understand this today. I feel so honoured to be chosen to left alone for so alone. It has allowed me to connect to even more than I ever could of imagined.
Are we meant to be alone came to my thoughts? Can this be true? Could it be that what I am experiencing is what many are searching for? I have had the thought that anyone who is alone completely alone like a monk or nun who has no contact with the outside world and or who are silent are not really serving. I actually think it’s selfish to do this or that is what I had thought.
We are all beacons of light who are serving something beyond ourselves because we are only a piece of it all.
Actually I still think that..because doing the service alone only serves who? Yourself. Unless it actually allows you to discover your purpose of the being you are. So difficult to explain.
It has taken me all this time and for the rest of my life to be the example. To go beyond the expectations of this life…to spread my wings…. to soar and expand the Universe.
I have always written and it has been challenging at times but it has been my path to see this is who I am and so much more. It has allowed to me to find the Universe inside of me..that I am the Universe. That we all are. Each one of us is our own universe and each one of us is connected beyond that.
Words and being able to express them is just one small reason why I am here.
I thought it had to be something bigger like they wanted me to be but I would not stand out .. I would have just blended in and not been seen at all. Samething would of happened if those who left me would have stayed..I would of just blended in.
I love people who leave me now. Wow.
Once I got what other people are doing out of my head I could actually find my own way.
Here we go.